How long have you been cutting?close to four years
Favorite tool? blades
Where (place) do you cut (school, home, etc.)? home usually. but wherever i feel the need to. School, friends houses, restaurant bathrooms.
Do you have to hide your whole arm(s) (wrists, forearms & upper arms, etc.)? i have to hide my whole left arm
Do you have to wear long-sleeves & long-pants all the time? yes.
Do you cut on your stomach, or chest? On my ribs.
Are your legs, arms, & other body parts covered in scars? Both thighs are covered above the knees, and my left shoulder and wrist.
What’s your favorite excuse to use when someone asks about a cut? I don’t let them be seen. One i used was that I had an allergic reaction about a month ago, and i have scars from itching. It worked like a charm.
Have you ever been hospitalized because of your cutting? I mean… I’ve gotten dizzy and passed out, and cut way too deep, so I probably should have been. But I haven’t.
Off the top of your head, about how many scars do you have? Thousands.
Do you have (diagnosed) depression, and/or bipolar/bpd? depression.
Who knows you cut? Two of my friends. I don’t talk to either about it anymore, though.
Have you ever been caught cutting? Yes, at a party at my house last November… I was a wreck, and my bud found me.
Have your parents ever confronted you about a bloody sleeve, or towel? no, i’m sneakier than that.
Did you have a good childhood? Uhhm, yes, except for the abusive mother. That part was awful.
Why do you cut? It takes away the mental pain for just a second. To know I’m alive. To punish myself for being so awful.
Have you ever talked to a therapist or counselor? no. and i never will. If anyone can help me, it’s someone who knows me.
Do you want to stop cutting (but can’t because of addiction)? No. I have no desire to stop.
Do you like cutting? Yes .
How many times have you tried to commit suicide? three.
What are your views on cutting, and other self-injury? I don’t think anyone deserves it… and try my best to prevent others from doing it… This doesn’t include myself, of course.
Do you like watching movies with self-injury? Yes
Do you like looking at pictures of self-injury? yes.
Do you sometimes envy other people (non-self-injurers)? all the time
Have you ever taken any pictures of your cuts/scars? Yes, and posted them on here.
Do you want to die? more than anything
Have you ever done a school assignment on cutting, or self-injury? Last year i did a project on depression in psychology
What do you like to listen to while cutting/depression/etc.? i like there to be silence, so all i can hear is the sound of the blade being dragged across my skin.
Have you ever needed stitches from cutting? Probably, but it’s never actually happened.
Do you dream about cutting? Well, i’m an insomniac, so I don’t sleep for the most part. But when I do, I have had dreams about cutting and suicide lots of times, yes.
What do you use to bandage your cuts? big bandaids. only if I’m scared they’ll bleed through my pants or I’m out somewhere and i’m in a rush cutting and i don’t have time to let them stop bleeding
1. When did you first start self harming? ah, just before i turned 14.
2. When you first started self harming, did you have a reason? Nothing compared to the reasons I have now, but I do have reasons, yes.
3. What gave you the idea to self harm? Before i started, I was one of those people who thought self harm was stupid. But then I started thinking… Why do people do this when they hurt? So i tried it. and i liked it a little too much.
4. What did you use when you first self harmed? scissors
5. How severe was your self harm when you first started? not at all, just little scratches.
6. How did it make you feel when you first self harmed? Good… Like, it was my payback for the people who hurt me.
7. Did anyone find out about your self harm? my best friend, yes, i told her I stopped… three years ago… she has no idea i still do.
8. Did you tell anyone about your self harm? yes.. and he left me. It ruined our friendship because I fell in love with him. This happened with the next person that I told… ever since then, I’ll never tell anyone ever again.
9. Did you continue to self harm from when you first started? yes. it became a daily thing. But i only did one or two cuts a day.
10. When was your self harm at it’s worst? last winter. It was bad.
11. What times have you turned to self harm? I just do it… it’s an addiction now. I mean, i’m always empty. But if one day, i feel ok, i’ll still cut.
12. When did you become addicted to self harm (if you are)? since the first cut.
13. Has there been a time, when you haven’t been able to go without self harming? There was a week and a half when I went without it because i had to get surgery and i didn’t want any nurses or doctors to see new cuts. If there were only scars, I could at least say they were old. It was the worst week and a half of my life. I missed almost every day of school durring that time.
14. Where abouts do you self harm? thighs, ribs, left shoulder/ upper arm
15. Where abouts have you self harmed? thighs, ribs, left shoulder/ upper arm and wrist.
16. Where do you have the most scars? thighs
17. Where have you self harmed the least? wrist
18. What have you self harmed with? knives, scissors, broken class, rasors, bobby pins, safety pins, salt and ice, lighter
19. How do you self harm? cutting. I’ve burnt myself a few times.
20. What are your reasons for self harming? abusive mother, poverty, ugly friend, broken heart, loss of loved ones, etc.
21. What do you like about self harming? everything but the fact it over takes my mind and it leaves scars.
22. Do you want to stop self harming? hopefully some day. not any time soon, tho.
23. What triggers you to self harm? nothing, its alwayss on my mind. so.
24. could you tell yourself not to self harm? yea.. its very very hard and takes lots of concentration and strength, though.
25. Have you lost friends because of your self harming? I guess you could say that.
26. Who knows about your self harm? you guys. and two friends. three if you include my best friend that I lied to and told i stopped three years ago
27. Are you ashamed that you self harm? yea.
28. Do you self harm to punish yourself? yes.
29. Do others judge you because you self harm? uhm, people would if they found out.
30. Do you judge others who self harm? never ever ever EVER.
I always feel like shit. I always want to kill myself and I know I'll never be worth anything. No matter how much I try. Every day gets harder :'(
Hey trust me I completely understand how you feel. But you’re still here.. and if you ask me that’s fucking amazing. You’re beyond strong and i KNOW you’re strong enough to keep pushing! It will all be worth it in the end. In a couple years, you’ll look back and say thank god i didn’t go through with it. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it will get better with time. Please, you can’t kill yourself. Once you pass it isn’t about you anymore, it’s about the people you leave behind. Your family and friends would be so hurt. So if that isn’t a good enough reason, stay around for me. Please? This ask is always open, and im always here as well as the other admins to give you a hand when you need it. Stay strong bby. Love you.
I just need to rant sorry. Last month I found out the person I thought was my dad isnt my dad. Not my biological one anyway. And it feels like it has torn the basic foundations of my life apart. Yet for everyone else nothing has changed. My mum wont talk to me about it and I just dont have the strength to ask her about it. Every time I try I feel violently sick. I dont know what to do and its tearing me apart. I just want everything to go back to normal.
Wow, that would be super hard to go through! All you can do now is try to deal with it. You could try looking for your real dad to find closure? Ask your parents about him, hunt him down and meet him. Figure out why. I know you want everything to go back to normal but it will all get better with time, I promise!
I'm so close to relapsing but I can't tell anybody because they think I'm all better now.. -N
I’m sure if you tell a loved-one they will do everything they can to help you! You don’t have to go through this alone! Sit down with someone and explain your situation to them and i’m sure they’ll try their best to understand.
uhh.. ive been reading alot about BPD even before i got diagnosed with it and it always made sense to me and today when i heard i have it i felt relieved at first but now im confused and i just dont know what to think or do. i mean, what if everything ive felt and thought isnt real and it happened only because of the illness.. im really confused.:/
aweh! I can see how it would be stressful. Being diagnosed with mental illness sucks! You can look up more about BPD online, and educate yourself. And not necessarily! You can still feel true happiness even with being bipolar.
You are not a worthless waste of flesh. You have a life. You have a choice. You can do anything you dream of doing so long as you try your damndest to get there. Being human is an amazing thing to be, so don’t take it for granted.
My life is provoke by the past, and I’m trying to forget my demons and burry them deep, but the keep digging their way up. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m done being in charge, done trying to be a better man, and when I try I keep fucking things up. I’m the past feeling a cold breathe breathing heavily onto my neck. My arms and wrist are screaming out loud to be cut, my skin dying to feel the taste of that steel, and my blood roaring to be spill onto this floor. These fucking walls are closing in on me, and I’m starting to feel tight with the weight of the world’s responsibility being pressured onto my shoulders, crushing my hopes and dreams.